Week 20 & 21 Love

What if. . .

You may have noticed there was no post last week, and this week's post is already late. Ironically, I knew what I needed to write about last week. I even started the post and saved an outline of the content as a draft. . . .and then let it sit there all week. Because honestly, I didn't want to talk about it. I STILL don't want to talk about it. I thought about just writing off the missing week 20 post with some cute, flippant excuse. But when I sat down to write the post for week 21, I quickly realized that I wasn't going to be able to move on to any other subject until what I was struggling with made it from my head to this blog. So what's so important that it's getting two weeks worth of blog posts?

The What If Game

Can we all just take a moment and agree that this is the worst game ever? No one ever wins the What If game. And yet, WE ALL KEEP PLAYING IT! I've been playing (or should I say losing) the What If game non stop the last few weeks. I've been thinking about all of the profound realizations I've come to since starting this blog. Embracing the amazing transformations and growth I've seen in myself along the way, and reveling in the wonderful feeling that comes from loving yourself, and your life, just as you are in that very minute. And then, all of a sudden, there it is. . .what if.

The What If game is the most dangerous when you play it with your past. My personal version of the game right now is "What if. . .I had been the person I am now back then?". This round of the game has taken me down all kinds of roads lately, none of them good. I've been questioning how decisions, opportunities, and relationships in my past might have been different if I was who I am now, back then. I've been wondering what I have missed out on while not being true to myself. Would I have chosen the path of success as defined by others in an attempt to win approval? Would I have taken that amazing job opportunity that I was too afraid would reveal me as a failure? Would I be sharing my life with some of the most amazing, spiritual people I have ever met? And most painful of all, if I was the person I am now back then, would he have fallen in love with me?

The What If game is cruel. And it is counterproductive to everything this blog is about. Everything in my past, the questionable choices, missed opportunities, broken relationships, and unrequited love have ALL made me the person I am today. I could not be who I am today if those things had not happened. So how could I possibly have been the "new" me back then? And even if, in some twisted universe, it WAS possible, whose to say the outcome of all of those things wouldn't be the same? Or even worse? Where would that leave the "new" me? I'll tell you where. . .back in the trunk. (if you aren't following, read my first blog post Who Do You Love?)

We can love our old self, and we can love our new self. The past was a catalyst for the creation of our new self. Let's do that new self justice by focusing on the amazing life unfolding before us.

How have you loved yourself this week?

Week 19 Love

Take a break. . .

This week's post follows on the heels of the last one when I talked about knowing your worth and pushing your limits. This past week I took a break. . .and went on vacation. Granted, I didn't actually go anywhere or do anything out of the ordinary. But I'll tell you what I DIDN'T do, and that's go to work. And in my mind, anytime I'm not at work that's vacation enough.

This vacation wasn't planned. In fact, it was very last minute. And probably the much needed result of being pushed to my limit. Sometimes you need to just step back, take a break, and recharge your batteries. I think a spur of the moment vacation is just the thing to do that.

Sometimes when we plan a vacation in advance we jam pack it with things to do, places to go, and people to see. It's often after those types of vacations that I feel like I need another vacation! So last week it was nice to have a few days where I really had no plans. When you have no plans, responsibilities, or tasks for a day the day suddenly becomes full of possibilities. You can choose to do absolutely anything that you feel like doing that day. It's a good way to explore what really makes you happy and what you really love to do. After all, you aren't going to work and you have no other errands that must be completed. So obviously whatever you choose to do is going to be something that you enjoy. I'll admit, sometimes what I want to do most is spend the entire day in my pajamas on the couch watching TV between naps. But that usually means I need some serious recharging before I can even choose to do something enjoyable.

So go ahead. Take a break. And remind yourself, or maybe figure out for the first time ever, how you would spend your days if you didn't have to work and had no responsibilities. Who knows, this may be the first step to turning what you find you love to do INTO your work and responsibilities!  

How have you loved yourself this week?